I am alive and well allhamdolillah… just not in the “blogging mood” these days. My excuse: Hubby’s on parental leave and I haven’t really felt the need to write yet or should I say I haven’t had the time to… there is soo much to do when the whole family is together mashAllah..

Why now?.. Well, its midnight and both my boys are sound asleep…. I just finished reading a very interesting post on Abbas’s blog :http://abbasnama.wordpress.com/2007/07/23/look-at-the-way-hes-staring-bloody-cheapo/#comments

and well just thought I would drop a line to inform the few who do visit my blog that I am still Alive!!..

Anyways.. until next time….

Ciao!

Reaction of Pakistani PPL after World Cup 2007

Some people really having nothing better to do with their lives!

Its cloudy outside, 10 C and raining. We completely turned off the heating and Hamzah is sleeping in his rocker clad only in his diaper shirt.

Rewind back to last wednesday… it was -45 C lower with windchill. We chose that day of all days in winter to go skiing… here’s my excuse:

Hubby was on two weeks vacation.. almost all of which we had spent at home, having quality time with our little one. My last vacation or “fun-time” was July 2006 when we went Toronto to attend a valima receptioin of Tauseef’s cousin. I spent the three days sleeping and eating and getting tired as i was  7 months pregnant. I was desperate to have some “outdoor-fun” so hubby booked me a skiing lesson for wednesday. Little did we know that that particular day would turn out to be the coldest day of the season. Not to mention that we went up to a mountain.. Mt Cascades to be more precise. Anyways… we booked the whole day but were back in 3 hrs.. i had a one hr lesson… which definitely made up for all the fun i missed out on being pregnant and being a new mom!

My instrucor was a 17 year old chinese girl.. really sweet. i went on a small hill.. but it seemed very steep when i was sliding down it. it was a lot of fun.. but i got tired after just 40 mins. An hr later i didnt even have the energy to walk!

Hubby.. being the sweet guy he is… took care of Hamzah inside the cafeteria.. while i skiied and fell and skiied..went on the chair lift up the hill… came down on skiis .. and at times on my butt … Nevertheless it was worth it..

I would do it all over again … as soon as i get over my exhaustion..;)

I came across some pics of IBA… and as always.. i am missing it all over again!
That is the one thing in my life which i have left unfinished.. and there is no way i can complete it.. except if i go back in time.

I was there only 5 months and its like i left a part of me back there.

I made friends who would ve been my bestest friends ever. When i came back from “hiding” i started with them exactly where i left off. with them i dont feel like i ve changed at all! although our contact is only through msn and gmail chats.. somehow we ve managed to continue or friendship.

I still miss those corridors, those classrooms, the cafeteria, the benches, the prayer house, the computer labs… even our “north nazimabad point”

You know, whenever we recall a certain time of our past, there is a smell or feeling that comes back with it?.. the strong winds, and the coolness in the air is what takes me back to the winter and early summer of 2001! Somehow th emain corrider/lobby/entranc of IBA was always super windy and cool..

Somehow it was the one place i truly felt i belonged… i felt comfortable with everyone… saw beginnings of great friendships.. and perhaps also found soemone who couldve been my one best friend who would last more than 3 years and would be my “best friend” in the truest sense of the word!

Thats the one part of my life i look back at and think “what could ve been”…. and i am sure it wouldve been great!

but would i really change it if i went back in time.. if i had it ALL my way.. i would want all of IBA along with the changes in life I went through at that time, followed by my nikah, then rukhsati, then those 11 months of intense studying to complete my education… everything!..

In other words, I would switch my time at Ottawa U with IBA and keep the rest same.

I am the kind of a person who always had a group of people around her. School, college, uni.. always. I had lots of friends and was and still am liked by everyone. But from the start I knew I was missing the one great friend. I never had that “connection” with anyone. That doesnt mean I didnt have good friends.. but when I can be exactly who I am.. that never happened. I have a way of being what the other person wants me to be.. and thinking that “thats” who I am…

It wasn’t until I married a guy who is laid back and doesnt always jump at the opportunity to make his poiint of view known.. did i realize who I really was! who saw and pointed out the things i love and encouraged me in a way no one ever had! Maybe that’s why I finally discovered my true passion.. .. Designing…

My parents expected the best for me.. the spent most of their life savings on my education.. and according to them i gave them results that surpassed their expectation. My mother always saw the girl in me she never was.. and I did everything I could to make her dreams come true. They wanted me to do O’levels.. I did.. they wanted me to do intermediate.. I did.. my brothers wanted me to do BBA.. I did.. I never stopped to think of what I wanted… and I was happy that way… until i got a chance to do what i wanna do.. be what i wanna be…

Some ppl have this before married life.. I got it after!

I did things i would never have done before.. in order that they happened here is the list:

-skipped classes to go shopping… (shhh! dont tell my mother.. hubby was part of this too… he was taking me to one of my elective classes which I hated and i wanted to buy this sweater on sale.. he he..)

-got highlights.. (my mother still doesnt approve.. she thinks it was one of my worst decisions!)

- spent RS 8,000 on art supplies …when we were sort-of-short on cash

-did a US$ 1150 “one” graphic design course from the best art and design univeristy in USA… cuz i had bought the supplies and was simply dying to do it and the fact that at the last minute, my request for student loan was not approved ..left me boken-hearted… (I try to feel guilty about it but this guy who paid for it.. keep saying its what i loved so it was worth it!)

-bought expensive computer games…. infact i was the first one in the city to get it.. the store was the only one which had it a day before it came at other stores and i was the first one there to buy..

- dyed my hair back to my original color..two days ago infact…. my mother disapproves as usual… saying its not good for me to use too much product..

And once again.. i ve digressed …and i am glad i did!!!!

There is a lot of talk going on these days about a show being shown on GEO TV called “Gumnaam”. Finally, the reality of these peer/fakirs is being shown to the Muslims.

On one of my visits to Karachi, my newly wed sister-in-law, took us to one such peer fakir. That was one of the things hubby absoultely forbade me to do! He knew how everyone was on my case on having a baby and being the pakis we are, he knew that i would be forcced to pay such a visit. I told him about my impendign visit… he almost freaked out but i told him that i am ding it just to get everyone of my case. I was getting tired of hearing it everyday! he said ok but he said no way are you going to be alone with anyone..
anyways my bhabhi and her family are wayyyy too much into visiting such ppl and they were like… aik dafa jaa kar to dekho..

well bhabhi,ammi and i went. I ve never been to such a place before and i ve always been curious as to what realy happens there. Not to mention we were going to tariqroad that day anyways.

The moment i stepped into that place, I had this really uncomfortable feeling… it lasted the entire time i was there. inside i saw about 100 women or so sitting on the floor and in their middle was this “peer” sahab giving a lecture. then everyone formed a line and took turns being splashed “barkat wala pani” by this peer sahab. you would state ur purpose of visiting and the ladies on one side of the room would give you a piece of paper, which you would show to the “compounder” (i believe) who would then give you some herbal medicine and a note which stated wht surahs of the Quran you need to recite and what not. For that you had to pay rs100

On our way back, i told bhabhi that i had a bad feeling about this the moment i stepped in.. and she was like.. oh u should have told peer sahab.. its the shaitann (jinn??) putting doubts in ur heart. he wouldve taken you aside and recited something..

Its amazing the faith she and her family had and still has on such people. My brother got into a major fight with them over their beliefs once….

I told her that it was all wrong and there was NOTHING islamic about it.

First and foremost, islam limits interaction between man and woman and this “pious” guy was sitting in the middle of a roomful of women, definitely having the time of his life checking everyone out!. i saw niqabis going in and taking off their niqabs in front of him… i mean come on people! one is not supposed to go without hijab even infront of the Prophet (SW)!!than being alone with a namehram!!… how does that make sense??… thats one of the basics of islam and EVERYONE knows that.. how come they forget all this while visiting a peer/fakir??

I attended an MSA meeting at U of Ottawa. we were preparing for Islamic Awarness Week. We were divided into groups of four/six. there were boys too in our group and we had long discussions about the topics we needed to cover.. But believe me.. those guys never once looked up while talking to us!.. I mean I was all covered except my eyes… but that guy sitting infront of me, never once glanced in my direction… he stared at the desk all the time informing us of wht was to be done and what not!. lol…
Now thats islam!.. “lower your gaze”remember people!!

the women in those videos on GEO ended up all alone with those fakirs… that’s what happens when you have more faith in what those peers are saying than waht Allah Ta’ala says. This is the height of ignorance seriously!

This is my theory…

the first time you sin.. or come close to doing a sin.. your heart tells you thereis something wrong there. but the second time you repeat the act, you feel better and its not long before you are very comfortable doing so.. and you might also end up thinking that you are doing something “islamic”. Thats the worst state of all … sinning and thinking you are actually doing something in accordance with islam!

back in college, i told a friend that when i was lying to my mom, i couldnt even look at her face! that guy was amazed at my honesty .. by the time i was in uni, i could tell small white lies without even blinking.. and without regretting it all day long… it doesnt take long…does it?

the issue of mehrams and non mehrams is the one ppl find hardest to comply to. and because ppl dont take it seriously, a point comes when they stop thinking there is something wrong in doing so!.. infact, they think its weird if you “do” try to keep your distance. Thats why when those fake fakeers asked those women to be alone with them or to leave their daughters alone with them.. it never occured to those women that “the only other thing present when a non mehram man and woman are alone is shaitaan!” its something we ve heard all our lives ..
its time we start acting on it.

very generally tagged by Xill-e-Ilahi… here are 5 weird things about me:

• i get some really wild ideas at time (most ot the time..hubby loves that about me:P thats whts weird about him!!).. like i wanna get a tattoo for like years now.. but i won’t and can’t!
• i absoultely hate myself in specs
• i love trying new things.. lately i am onto “baby sign language” and “elimination communication” (potty training newborns!)
• i have VERY weird dreams 99% of the time. they are mystery/thriller/scary all at the same time. i have no idea why…. stuff that i ve not even thought about in years comes to me in dreams… this really freaks me out sometimes:(
• i sneeze three times at one time.. sometimes one sneeze overlapping the next… so much so that i pull a stomach muscle at times and my bros go: WHAT just happened!!..lol.. my baby has it too.. but his are more seperate (allhamdolillah!) an he gets two at one time..

I tag Shezalldat

My poor baby has had a cold the past few days. It just breaks my heart every time he coughs. Alhamdolillah he is better now. Yesterday the poor guy got 3 needles.. two vaccines and his blood work. A lady at the clinic said : “it hurts us more than it hurts them!” and she was soooo right..
MashAllah he is a brave boy!, he cried for like 30 secs and then started kicking and smiling again. and he didnt even make a sound when they did his blood work, all I did was jingle his rattle infront of him and he never made a sound!

The 9 year old said to his cousin (the 10 year old, after hearing the new of his grandfathers sad demise): Atleast you got to see your nanna, I never got to do that!

There was another death in the family this week, there have been 5 in total since december! This time its my jeethani’s father.

It seems like all the elders are going away at the same time. Tauseef and I often talk about it (more than I would like to!). He says that this is the most certain thing in life… people can deny the existence of god, but what nobody can ever deny is death, and thats something we as Muslims prepare for the least! We prepare and make plans for the days/months and years ahead but how much do we plan that will affect our hereafter. I mean since Hamzah’s birth, all our plans have changed so as to make sure that his future remians bright, but how much of it do we really plan keeping in mind his and our Akhirah?

I dream about him becoming an Alim and Hafiz inshAllah. I remember when i held him when he was born, I had this vision of him: tall and handsome MashAllah, clad in white, with a beard and such noor on his face and kindness in his eyes. I constantly had this vision whenever I looked at him! They say that if your intentions are pure Allah Ta’ala makes it happen! Maybe the fact that he looks absoultely gorgeous in white is a sign??

Tauseef says we will be wearing crowns in Jannah inshAlah when Hamzah will become a hafiz inshAllah.

We often talk about the bounties in Jannah, but its not that often that we discuss the punishments… If we did; we would be far better people!

If we only thought how our actions will affect us in the hereafter we would be nicer, more patient, more forgiving, less complaining and better people over all. We would notice the beauty in life more if we knew we had a limited time to enjoy it. I mean who knows how long we are alive? I am planning for summer, but with how much certainity can I say that I will be here then?. we talk about how much fun it would be when our baby starts talking and walking, but are we 100% sure we will be there to see it all?. We pray that we are but are we prepared for it if we are not?.

Why is that we start thinking like this only after we hit our 50s/60s when we know that our time could be up any second? Its something I hate to think about, even more so as Allah Ta’ala keeps showering us with His blessings! but I know I have to, cuz its inevitable.

Dec 26th was boxing day. I did this last year and I did it again this time: I stop shopping 3 month before and Ishop to my heart’s content on this day:)
Motherhood surprised me again this time, when I spent about $150 shopping for Hamzah and not asingle penny on myself or Tauseef! and this was the best shopping ever!. I take out all the tiny clothes every few hrs and marvel at the great deals I got! $4-$6 tops and $9 jeans! My baby is set for this summer and next fall!

Tauseef was working on christmas and boxing day, earning double time and a half!
He dropped me, hamzah and ammi abu off at the mall at 7..(yeah we didnt wanna take the bus in winter!)
we window shopped at Bay for 2 hrs, Hamzah woke up and was hungry and I found out that there is actually a place to nurse inside all major shopping centres. Tauseef said that was bad news, cuz thats the only thing that makes me rush home after barely an hr!
One of the reasons I love canada…

Anyways hamzah chose the worst time to wake up, 5 mins to 9 (when all the smaller shops open)!
Anyways we were still able to make it on time and got some really good deals at baby gap, mexx kids, and please mum! I am not big on brand names.. but I am patient enough to wait for their major sales.

Khair jee… we shopped for 5 hours!!.. it was loads of fun!

Ammi said this is the third time she went out before the sun was up… once before with bhabhi on boxing day, second time when I went into labor and now.

I watch each morning as Cleo sits comfortably in her swing and gazes with wonderment at those fish floating along on her mobile – her eyes wide, her mouth open, hands jerkily pointing. *Every* day it’s the same.
Later I hold her up to the window and she stares out at the cement apartment blocks across the valley and the vegetalbe fields rimming the stream that meanders through the factories and shipping yards at the bottom. Her amazement is supreme *every* day.
We go for walks in the afternoon and before the warm movement of my gait lulls her to sleep she peeks over the top of the snuggly carrier and giggles at the same leaves, buildings and sidewalks that she giggled about the day before. Repetition means nothing to her. She *loves* to see these things again and again. It makes absolutely no difference that we walked this way just yesterday. She is full of wonderment *each* time.
How is it that we lose that? Why is it that somewhere in early primary school we stop seeing the world as a place of wonder and start seeing is as a place of repetitious monotony?
Not everyone outgrows the wonderment. Those who manage to keep it often grow into photographers, painters, writers, artists of some form even if only as amateurs. Yet most lose the ability to see the world around them for the amazing place it is. We have to travel to exotic realms to bring back that feeling.
Where does it go? Is it drilled out of us by parents and teachers? Does it fade with age? Why do some get to keep it while the rest of us learn to live without it and only get a reminder of its warmth with the birth of a child? Most importantly, how do I make sure my beautiful little girl gets to keep that feeling for as long as possible?

(by a mom on Ivillage September 2006 Sunflowers board)

I found this article on www.babycentre.com. This is sooo true… read on..

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. oh yessss…
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
4. You respect your body … finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby’s pain feels much worse than your own. every time he gets his vaccine.. hubby tries to step out of the room but I make him stick around.. Its hard enough as it is.. I dont wanna face it alone
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child. I never stopped believing them in the first place;)
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
9. Your heart breaks much more easily.
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day. more than that!
11. Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself. alwaaaayyyysss…
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power. limitless it is…. never ever thought such a feeling existed!

1. “You discover how much there is to say about one tooth.” — Ashley’s mom
2. “You finally realize that true joy doesn’t come from material wealth.” — Anonymous
3. “You now know where the sun comes from.” — Charlotte
4. “You’d rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that you’ve been dying to have.” — Sophie’s mom
5. “You realize that although sticky, lollipops have magical powers.” — Roxanne
6. “You don’t mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night.” — Kellye
7. “Silence? What’s that?” — Anonymous
8. “You realize that the 15 pounds you can’t seem to get rid of are totally worth having.” — Brenda
9. “You discover an inner strength you never thought you had.” — Ronin and Brookie’s mom
10. “You no longer rely on a clock — your baby now sets your schedule.” — Thomas’ mom…lol..nothing is ours anymore.. its all his..we have a new king!!
11. “You give parents with a screaming child an ‘I-know-the-feeling’ look instead of a ‘Can’t-they-shut-him-up?’ one.” — Jaidyn’s mom
12. “Your dog — who used to be your ‘baby’ — becomes just a dog.” — Kara
13. “You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you’ll be late.” — Tracey
14. “You learn that taking a shower is a luxury.” — Jayden’s mom oh yes… forget the cleansing lotion, the footscrub and the masks.
15. “You realize that you can love a complete stranger.” — Dezarae’s mom love at first sight..i still remember the first time I saw him…